#1 Um...

I have been thinking about blogging, I mean really thinking about becoming a blogger. But then, I read a woman’s blog and got a little depressed and defeated.

This woman sent an e-mail to my neighborhood mother’s group. She had moved from our hood to CA but still kept up with the group. The subject line read “shameless plug for readers” and asked us all to follow her blog. I thought this is such a coincidence…I’ve been thinking of blogging. Then I thought that it was going to suck and it would concrete my notion that I am SUPPOSED to be a blogger. That it is my calling. I fantasized about reading it and smugly laughing, and then forwarding it on to my husband saying, “See, I should totally do this. I’m a better writer/thinker/comedian than this woman.” But no such luck. I liked the blog. That’s when I felt defeated. I was hoping it would be bad, but it was good and enjoyable. I even signed up as a follower. I didn’t even know how to sign up. I guess I thought I would be the only good blogger out there. Then I realized – I’ve never even read someone’s blog before. I am fantasizing about doing something that I don’t even know what is involved. It is just like when my husband sits on the couch and watches Deadliest Catch and announces that he could be, wants to be a crab fisherman. He was born and raised in Manhattan and sells software for a living. Yeah right. It’s like when he tried out for a country music band and he doesn’t even know who George Straight is. It’s like when he…I could go on and on. But you see, he has big dreams, and he even goes after some of them.

So here I sit. I set a timer for 15 minutes and have started to write my first blog. I just want to see if I like it, if I enjoy it. To see how fast the time goes. Four minutes left. What do I think? I love it. I love the idea of putting thoughts out there into the great big unknown and seeing if I connect with someone. I love the bundle of possibilities that is available. I love the dream. I love going after the dream. Mostly, I love having something to think about and do that is bigger than me.

I recently had my first child, and now, all I can think about is other people. I think about my son every minute. Now, I even think about my husband a lot and catch myself wanting to do nice things for him like his laundry and cook things the way he likes them. I even clean his bathroom now – totally selfless move on my part. I thought that was odd enough, but now I think about people I don’t even know, like the woman who checked out my groceries the other day. I wondered how she got to be who she is and why, oh why, is she wearing that silly hat? Is this normal? I think it has to do with motherhood and empathy and that everybody is somebody’s child. And that someone loves someone else as much as I love my husband and my child so there must be some good in each person. I think that if I can spread just a smidge of that love, then this world would be a better place for my son and my husband and my wonderful friends and family.

So now I’m a blogger. Just another dime a dozen, one in a million blogger that thinks if you read my blog today, then maybe you’ll have a little more sunshine in your life just for a little bit. Maybe you’ll feel the love and pay it forward. Maybe you’ll clean someone’s bathroom or even let them dream about becoming a crab fisherman.